(If you read this, know that it may not make sense to you, but know that I get what I am trying to say.)
Tonight we had extra cookies. That was not the plan, but that is how it ended up.
At dinner I told the kids if they ate all of their meal they could have three cookies, but if they didn’t, they could only have one. Charis, Abigail, and of course Jonesy ate their meals entirely. But tonight, JAC could not do it. He complained the cheese smelled bad and didn’t taste good.
Anyways, when it came time for dessert each kid had a plate of three cookies except JAC. JAC only had one. He didn’t complain. He actually told the other kids he only had room in his belly for one cookie tonight.
Here is the issue….I wanted to give him those other cookies so bad. In fact, I had even two more than his original two that I really wanted to give him.
I actually debated on several ways in my head that I could justify giving him the cookies. I wasn’t trying to earn JAC’s affection. He was being really nice about it all and wasn’t crying. I wasn’t trying to convince him to finish his meal, that didn’t bother me at all. I just know how good cookies are and how fun they are to eat, so I wanted him to enjoy them.
But I held back.
Some would think my resistance was fueled by my own passion for cookies. I do love cookies, but I had already had a few, so that wasn’t it.
Yes, I wanted JAC to learn that eating all his dinner was important and that dessert in our home was a reward. I think he saw that clearly, but what I learned tonight was way cooler than that….
I learned that it was not the cookies that made me want joy for JAC, it was my relationship with him. Because of our special relationship, I desire joy for his life. And I saw so clearly that God’s relationship with me is what fuels his hope for joy in my life.
I know cookies will come and go, literally, but what matters is joy, with or with out the cookies.
I want cookies. Real ones like tonight and all sorts of figurative cookies. I am hoping I get them some how, but what I am realizing just a little bit more tonight is that God holds a BIG plate of cookies so to speak and He doesn’t hold them back to be mean or even to punish me. It is probably a lot more like me tonight. He realizes that any cookie He gives me will come and go. That doesn’t change how much He loves me or even how much He hopes for joy in my life.
God and I have a special relationship. One built on Faith, Hope, Love, and Joy….not on cookies.