Facebook Affairs

My wife recently wrote a blog post about Facebook Affairs. She brigns to light an important issue that is affecting thousands of people. This new trend is exposing emptiness in people all over the country.

Read her blog post and then check out these comments being made by men on her blog:

From Terry:

Yes facebook i do believe has just ruined and ended my 17 year realtionship with my wife who i truly loved very much.. It was hardest thing i ever went through in my life watching my marriage fail and my two young sons having to go through the nightmare too..
it went like this, my wife had joined facebook and connected with a school sweetheart from when she was about 16 and i assume this guy was her first.. I had heard the story about how she had went with a guy in school and he broke up with her to date her best friend at the time , the fellow and her best friend went on to marry and i guess where married until recent and he joined facebook posting there for dating and one thing lead to the other now here i am giving up half of my hard earned money and real estate assets and finacial security that i created for the well being of my familys future as well as colleage savings for my boys.. I never would have thought my wife would have had an affair but i caught this real quick and called her out on it.. if you are having that gut feeling something is wrong theres a good chance it is .. thats what clued me in it was just my instinct that something is up.. so now here i am trying to recover from a emotional train wreck which i truly know would have not happened if it was not for the reconnection of them on facebook.. they where seperated by one state a little over two hours apart.. i can only now know what couples go through in divorce and seperation. if u havent been there u just dont know .. I know its not facebooks fault , but i would still be in a happy marriage if it where not for the site.. no doubt in my mind about it.. guess she feels like she had a chance to get the man she lost.. and now here i am crushed dazed and confused.. oh well ! guess i never had what i thought i did.. and now will move forward.. i heard once what dont kill you will make you stronger so guess i will be stonger soon.. Peace and blessing Terry

From F.B.:

I wish I would have known about this problem months ago. I’m going through this with my wife of nearly 20 yrs right now! She started IM’ing an old boyfriend. I just thought he was an old friend of hers & everything was “innocent”. She went back to her old hometown & went out with him just “as friends”. Now she has “developed” unexplained feelings for him. MEN BEWARE!! I would have NEVER thought this would happen to my marriage!! NEVER!!

From Andrew:

My wife of four months and mother to our two kids
has just told me she is leaving me for another man she has been contantly talking with on Facebook. She says they are now soulmates and must be together. She is already looking at houses and refuses to listen to any family or friends. It started only two weeks ago. All her recent life history she has ammended to justfy her actions. It is as though she has been brainwashed or drugged. I am only clinging on to the hope that she will see reality, and I will keep every door open for her.

We have got to get involved. Call me up to Biblical Manhood. Making sure men are leading their wives well and calling men to keep their hands and emotions off of married women. This is false satisfaction for all parties involved in the long run.

44 Comments

Filed under About John, Friends & Family, Get Involved, Leadership, The Church, Update, What I'm Learning

44 responses to “Facebook Affairs

  1. Andrew

    I guess like everything, facebook can be a tool for good or for destruction. If someone is that dissatisfied in marriage they will have an affair through any form that comes along be that social networking sites, work, church relationships, etc. I hope the solution isn’t a call for christians to get off facebook but rather to encourage married couples to put god first, continually serve each other, and be mindful of idols that pull them away from marriage and god

    • Society is changing and technology is corrupting America. My wife is on Facebook and has been for the last 4 months. I keep a constant eye on her events and only allow girlfriends of past to text or add as friends and although i told her she could get on it, i have reservations about it. I dont participate in chat or web sites because i feel it can lead to other things and while shes happy im afraid this could lead to bad things.
      My wife had an affair on me with her ex boyfriend from highschool but it wasnt thru Facebook and we decided to work things out thru prayer and counseling.
      It’s been almost 2 years since the affair but my problem was that she was at home “bored” with nothing to do for the most part and i was afraid she would find something or someone to feed her depression so i told her that she could get on Facebook.
      She has no male friends on her friends list which was the only way she could be allowed to even join and i have the password and access to periodically check up on her.
      There’s alot at stake if i find out she’s chatting with men on Facebook. My son and 2 daughters are on there but they too have restrictions and keep a constant eye on her activities.
      I have ways of checking thru spy ware, cookies, history etc,. If shes found doing wrong things on Facebook and mind you she’s 48 yrs. old i will gather proof and information she’s cheating and divorce her. There is no room for leinancy because of the past and she knows that besides God watches and anything she does will be brought to light so im not fearful of what might happen.
      I’d say that if your wife/husband spends weird hours on the computer, mood changes, new wardrobe, unaccountable for hours then look into it.
      But before you do, look at your phone bill and track calls and texts, look at cookies or history on your computer, install software on both computer and cell phone that tracks what she/he does before you start accusing of infidelity.
      If you believe theres something not right purchase software that records proof of cheating so that when you go to court she wont end up getting half of what you own.
      Dont even tell her you have evidence, tell her you are pretty sure he/she is cheating on you and you want a divorce then let the lawyers work out the details.
      If youre like me and can be forgiving then dont show the evidence to her just tell her you know she is and why and the 1st step is admitting theres a problem and you have to be willing to go to counseling to repair the marriage.
      If she doesnt wanna admit the problem and/or seek counseling then get a divorce. It’s like an Alcoholic not admitting they are one doesnt do them any good to go to AA.
      Most of all, pray for God to intervene and restore your marriage cause if things go bad God will be 1st on your list to help you go thru grief.

  2. You are right Andrew. I am totally tracking with you. The answer is not banning facebook, the answer is the Gospel.

    When I mention getting involved, I mean pursuing men and calling them into manhood.

    But I will say this…I don’t have HBO in my house because sometimes it can be a temptation for me to watch things I don’t need to watch. It is just easier for me to not have it, even though I would probably enjoy the movies the majority of the time.

    Part of being a man is being willing to not only say no to temptation, but to avoid it completely.

    Saying all that, you know that I facebook (is that a verb?) all the time.

    What you think?

  3. Andrew

    Yep, you’re right the key is the gospel. I’ve noticed after a lifetime of trying to get rid of temptations that if you aren’t focusing on the gospel the temptations just replace themselves.
    Get rid of HBO, tempted by regular TV,
    Get rid of TV, tempted by internet,
    Get rid of internet, tempted by walking down the street,
    Stop walking down the street, tempted by my own mind.
    Unless your striving to focus on the gospel – you’re toast.

    In other news, remember when i threw the handful of flowers into your face? I love that picture.

  4. WendyLou

    Not all affairs happen because someone is dissatisfied in a marriage. How many times have we all heard that things ‘just happened.’ They weren’t looking for an affair, but it ‘just happened.’ Yes, some do actively pursue affairs, but countless others guard their hearts rather sloppily thinking that it won’t happen to them. Just because you don’t plan for it to happen doesn’t mean things can’t get out of hand and then ‘just happen.’

    I see this principle at work all the time in my house. Here’s the scenario:

    Me: Hey sweetie, please don’t lean back in your chair like that. You’re gonna fall.
    Kid: No I won’t.
    Me: I know that you’re not planning to fall, but what you’re doing is dangerous. I’ve seen plenty of kids fall backwards doing the same thing you’re doing. Sometimes they get hurt, sometimes they don’t. But right behind you is a huge picture window, and if you fall thru it, we’ll be at LeBonheur all night picking glass out of your body – or worse. Not to mention the mess you’ll make. Now stop.
    Kid: Oh.

    Affairs often begin quite innocently. All it takes is two people casually spending time together (in person, on the phone, thru email or Facebook). Eventually, they run out of chit-chat and now, feeling comfortable with and somewhat connected to one another, begin to talk about more personal things — things they should be discussing with their spouse. Then they ‘suddenly realize’ that they have become deeply emotionally attached to someone other than their spouse and mistakenly believe the lie that Satan tells them — ‘Feelings are supreme. They are the only truth in life.’ Convinced that this other person must be their soul-mate, they then begin to destroy anyone in the way of their ‘happiness.’

    No, Facebook is not evil, just as having a next door neighbor, a phone, or co-workers isn’t evil. But I think this post and Ashleigh’s post do us a huge service in reminding us to guard our hearts carefully – not allowing Satan even a toe-hold. And thinking ‘it won’t happen to me’ is a perfect toe-sized crevice.

  5. Christian

    Like others, my wife had two (2) affairs with two (2) different men on Facebook. She deemed them “virtual affairs.” However, after more digging I determined that she actually had physical affairs with both men while on a girls’ trip to Jamaica. She only continued the affairs through Facebook after returning from her trip. Needless to say, I am now going through a divorce, and my two (2) children are caught in the crossfire. Men, beware if your wife or significant other has a Facebook page. It was happening right under my nose. Truth be told, you will find out eventually.

    • James

      I totally agree! Sex or no sex, FB affairs are on the rise big time, especially with women. Every store I’ve read is the same over and over. FB…Old Flame…catch up….”I always wondered what if….” and it goes down hill from there.

      Interesting study on this, http://www.dearpeggy.com/shop/online.php

      and no, I am not pimping this book or anything, just the summary of it is enough for us that have been hurt by this.

  6. gloria miller

    I am about to lose my relationship. Love of my life. Because of facebook affair. Where do I go here

  7. Tammy

    Ok, well heres my story, About 7 months ago I found an ex-boyfriend that I talked to on the phone a few or more times a month. My husband got pissed off. I mean pissed. I stopped the freindship fast! I new I was wrong, I was crushed that I had hurt my husbands feeling so terribly. Ok..we work through that. About a month later, he gets a text. Picks it up, looks, closes the phone. SILENCE! Who was that I say? He doesnt know. What did it say, I said. Nothing he responds. At this point I make him give me his phone, and he knows he busted. He swears to me he will not talk to her again. Ok I said. A month or so later for some reason, I feel the erge to search his E-mail. Not really expecting to find anything. Then there “they were”. The words I love you “Jane Doe” After the yelling and throwing his clothes out in the yard, I went straight to my Preist. And went back a second time and dragged my husband with me. After some spiritual counsling I truly forgave him.
    We were really trying to be nicer to each other and not take each other for granted. I started to feel like we were falling in love all over again. Then it happend. I heard the bzzzz sound of his text message go off. I couldnt miss it, I was standing next to the counter he charges it at. I look down and see that familuar number. I was mad as hell. Buy the next day, he had me believing that she didnt mean to send thoes words to him. “just wanted to tell you I love you and miss you”. He swore he has not been talking to her anymore. We went to church that Saturday Evening and all was nice. I was still uneasy, but calm and not mad. The very next day, I looked at his emails. “Well she bought it”. “I’ll be more careful next time.” As I am reading the email and one other one also, he is in the bedroom texting me from his phone asking me to come “play”. So big fight, yada yada yada.

    I am so very heartbroken. Is he going to stop? Can I trust him again?

  8. Jen

    I’ve been researching this subject because, I will admit, it happened to me. Frankly, I am still in the thick of things and am truly struggling to find my way out, one way or the other. An old “almost” boyfriend (we connected years ago but did not pursue the relationship) found me on Facebook. The typical progression happened…innocent start to full blown affair where I flew a thousand miles to see him. We felt we’d found our true soul mates and, honestly, that is something that I still struggle with terribly. Drowning in guilt, I confessed it all to my husband and have begun counseling to try to save our marriage and keep our family together (we have a young son). I could have never imagined this happening to me – it was unfathomable – until, well, it just did. With counseling – and prayer – I am trying to let go of my feelings for this other person and move forward with my husband. Ironically, it has raised so many deep seeded issues in our marriage (probably the REAL reason I strayed) and, if we can make it through and resolve things, I am hopeful we can be as happy as we should be. Please pray for us!

    Thank you,

    Jen

    • jeane

      I will pray for you and the countless other women like us who have been enticed into infidelity this way. I, too, was in an inappropriate relationship with an old boyfriend–my “first.” Like you, it started out innocent, reconnecting as “friends.” And then it happens–the old feelings come back stronger than before and now fueled by the thoughts of “we should have been together all along.” IT IS A LIE FROM THE PIT OF HELL.
      Now, here I am, trying to let those feelings die and trying to help mend the broken heart of my precious husband of 20 years….not to mention regain the respect from my two teenage daughters. Please pray for me as well.

      • WOW Jeane. Thanks so much for sharing your story and thanks so much for your example of fighting for your marriage and your motherhood!

      • malinda

        I feel if you are missing something in your life and need to fulfill it with other people that are flirting with you.then you are asking for trouble. my boyfriend says not to worry about the women who see’s he has a girlfriend they write hey baby whats up or im so lonley i used to have a big crush on you.he said they are all married .no they are not as a women if one says that to a man they are coming on to that person.he spends alot of time on the computer really has no conversation with me . i work night he works days. And i know deep in my heart thank to facebook i have lost my boyfriend to some lonley low life that has to flirt with my boyfriend and probley some ones husband and she says she is so christian and speaks the bible and is so holy. well i have news for her . im going to heaven and i dont need to steal someones life from under them .she will see in the end she is wrong and the others who are there distructive to other family.

  9. jason

    I think what many posts are missing and aren’t quite questioning is: What’s really wrong with your marriage that you may be in denial about?

    I, too, was sucked into letting my marriage fail. While I refuse to blame Facebook, or even Satan for that matter – I will blame myself, and my spouse for allowing our marriage to fall apart by ignoring real issues among each other.

    We had been totally faithful throughout our entire marriage, but even an seemingly innocent “friendship” can be tantamount to an emotional affair…Well, what does that say? That one person isn’t giving enough emotion, care and attention to their spouse, and that the other isn’t asking for it in the right manner, or otherwise? Or that maybe neither party even cares anymore…

    These things are rarely out of the blue, as most of these men describe…Was your wife truly as happy as you thought? Did you ask why she left, what was missing, what you could’ve done better. Were you on auto-pilot just because things “seemed” great to you?

    After separating from my wife due to the lack of attention from her, I realized that I, too, wasn’t really giving attention, or putting my best foot forward either.

    Marriage really is a two way street. The only way it becomes a one-way path out the door, is if someone lets part of the road deteriorate, or deliberately closes a lane down.

    Facebook truly is not the culprit in a broken marriage…just another symptom.

  10. soph

    Its unfortunate that these things do happen a lot. I think that any marriage can be weakened by familarity and taking the other person for grantid. I don’t suppose any person or relationship is perfect. When these things happen, in many cases they didn’t see it coming. Is that the fault of facebook? No, and yes. Facebook is a networking tool, and a means to reconnect with old flames under the guise of innocently catching up. When these opportunities arrise, no one wants to appear jealous or controlling, so they allow their husband or wife to bond in friendship with another man or woman in the privacy of email, or phone conversations. This is a recipe for disaster in marriage. I personally feel married men and women have no business making or rekindeling intimate friendships with people of the opposite sex. No matter how solid your relationship is, its reality, and fantasy will always “seem” better to someone who has taken their security for grantid and hasn’t prepared themselves for such types of temptation. New relationships are always exciting and unpredictable, why open your relationship up to temptation? Pray for wisdom, pray for your marriage, know God’s voice, know scripture, and keep yourself out of tempting scenerios airing on the side of caution. Many married people would not go to a bar without their spouse and become intoxicated, however many have networking site accounts. I don’t think its obvious yet, since its new technology, that there are dangers in these sites for marriage. I think its good to identify the risks, and discuss them with your spouse, and formulate a plan before compromising situations arise. The devil is looking to step through any opportunity we give him, always keep watch over your family and don’t be caught off guard. As for underlying issues, show me a relationship that completly free of those, it doesn’t exist. I’m not saying not to always work at improoving your relationship, but I’m also not saying issues should not give license for someone to look outside of their marriage for comfort and understanding. If they identify an issue, they should share it with their spouse and the option of sharing with someone won’t exist if that other person doesn’t exist.

  11. Phil

    I too fell into this trap. My wife lost her job due to the economy and cutbacks. After 7 months of this added strain on our relationship her facebook account turned into my worst nightmare.
    I will openly admit that I wasn’t the best husband. We had been on auto-pilot for a while and things had become stagnant. We were not communicating and I was oblivious to how bad things were for her.
    She re-connected with an old friend from high school and, as always, it started off as just friends. After a while the friendship moved to something more and the facebooking moved to texting and phone calls. Around 2 months into the ordeal she arranged to meet him under the guise of meeting an old girlfriend from high school. I was totally unaware because I trusted my wife completely. 3 days later she tells me she wants to go visit her dad, because his health isn’t well. The one night that she was out of town was the night that she turned the emotional relationship into a physical one. 2 days later I start to feel that things aren’t right and check the cell phone bill. There it is. Right in front of my face. She made no attempt to hide it, because at this point she didn’t care if she got caught. She had the emotional bond that had been lacking in our relationship and that’s what she craved more than anything. The next evening she tells me everything. I was angry the previous 24 hours, but at that point I was heartbroken. I wanted to save my marriage no matter what. I told her that we could work through it and even then…she wasn’t sure if she wanted her relationship of almost 10 years or the fling that she’s had for 2 months. That’s a good example of how deep the emotional state is for a woman and how important it is for guys to be able to fulfill their wives’ desires emotionally. Another 24 hours pass and we talked more than we ever had. She is still unsure of what she wants, but she knows that the countdown has begun and she has to make a decision. Within another 24 hours she has decided that she wants to make our marriage work, but must return and tell him in person. I decide that if this is the best way then so be it. She leaves and the worst 48 hours of my life begin. What will she decide? Will she change her mind when confronted with the idea of no rules, no obligations, and no responsibilities? She goes through with her plan to call it off with him. She does and says (and the cell records show) that she hasn’t talked to him since. However, its only been 2 days since she’s been back. I honestly want my marriage to work, but its like I’m the one walking on egg shells when she’s the one that had the affair. I realize that this is different that an affair that is discovered years after the fact, and she was intent on leaving when she had the affair, but I still feel like she should be the one walking on egg shells if anyone is.
    Tonight I asked her if she removed him as a friend from FB. She said that she hadn’t thought about it….so, no. She tells me that he was like a drug for her. Again, I understand that something was missing and she found it elsewhere, so that’s partly my fault.
    She says that if she removes him as a friend she’s worried that the urge will become to great and she will end up contacting him. As long as she has him as a friend then she is in control and won’t contact him. In a weird way I almost understand that, but wouldn’t I be crazy not the make this request?
    After all, it started on FB, and if the urge is that great then I feel we are doomed anyway.
    So, my questions are these…
    Should I ask her to remove him as a friend?
    Should I be the one walking on egg shells?

    I would also like to thank everyone that posted. Its nice to know that I’m not alone in this situation…as tragic as it is to know that this is running rampant now.

    • Phil, thanks so much for sharing your story.

      I am glad you got to read the other stories and not feel alone in your situation, but I hope that you are your wife are pursuing friends and counselors in your community.

      Life is a team sport. It was designed to be done together.

      The worst parts, or days, of my marriage are the ones I try to handle or figure out on my own. But having mentors and leaning into them for wisdom has helped tremendously.

      Don’t run from loving your wife deeply right now. Love her more than ever. Authentically love her.

      Also, my wife recently posted some thoughts on the toughness of marriage and specifically “the Gap” – check it out: http://ashleighcarroll.wordpress.com/2009/12/09/great-post-on-marriage/

  12. Pingback: Facebook Affairs Fuel Divorce « John Carroll's BLOG

  13. David

    I am a pastor, and connected with FB for all the talk of how crucial it is in this postmodern world for ministry connections. What I found is that FB indeed connected me to people in my congregation, but a small circle that (in final cost/benefit analysis) wasn’t worth the time investment; FB didn’t compare to real (instead of virtual) relationships and contacts. But in the process of realizing this now rather obvious truth, FB connected me with old high school relationships. I didn’t have any deep flame in high school, but even so the narcissistic nature of the medium (FB is about Me, Me, Me!) got me thinking in a groove about the good old times, imagined thoughts and feelings, and nostalgia.

    My wife is a wise woman of God. She was deeply suspicious of FB for what it was. The fact is, people say things on the internet they’d never have the guts to say in person and face to face–both in terms of personal attacks and personal overtures. Again, the medium. In the end, I dumped FB. (It took about 5 minutes to nuke my account. You’re not going to believe this, but the siun rose the next day!) I never got into anything, but I have to say, my life in marriage and ministry is better and simpler without it.

    Christians need to consder the words of Hebrews–“laying aside every sin AND weight that hinders us.” In other words, cut some limbs off BEFORE they cause you to sin. If you are a Christian, watch yourself. Yes, you will survive without what you are giving up. Believe it or not, billions of people have lived fulfilling lives without Facebook, or Twitter, or MySpace, or email, or cell phones.

  14. neal

    I just wanted to say the gospel, and god is not the anwser.. I have a facebook and I only hang out and talk to people that I want to. The same goes with your wives or girlfriends. They would likely stray either way and fb is convienent way to find people. If I must give any advice is to pay attention to you loves and listen and discuss issues before they become problems and tear you apart. Watch the Ladies Man, it is a funny movie about infedelity but has good lessons and morals within it.

  15. Wow, I just found this site and had started a blog to update about my recent experience with this. I have stopped all communications (and we never saw each other or talked on the phone–just communicated through facebook) and I too thought this could never happen to me (even the slightest feelings). I am stunned.

  16. Kirsten

    Tonight I am struggling and heart broken… I found this blog and it has been somewhat comforting to realize that I’m not alone…
    I love a man, he is not my husband, but we were planning our life together. We had this amazing love, words can not explain.. We both have kids and we have even been looking at homes to find a house to start our life together in. He constantly nourishes my soul with love and I thought we were so amazing.
    He played a game on Facebook called “Happy Aquarium”. Sounds harmless right? Not so much…
    Speed forward to today.. He has met a woman through the game, little do I know that they have become close. So close that they chat on Facebook, Skype and call each other. She lives in another country!!
    When I first found out, by reading his Skype acct, he said he didn’t even know why the conversation got so intimate? He didn’t even understand him self? He promised to not talk to her anymore, that he loved me. I was the only one he wanted. Then time goes by and I believe him, I want to believe him. Well, on Facebook you can send hearts and all kinds of gifts. I see on her page that he has sent her hearts, drinks, other “gifts”. He says he won’t anymore; he’s being polite he says by returning her gifts. Huh..
    One day I need to drop into his house and the whole week I am plagued by this feeling that things are still not right.
    My basic cure for the facebook romance – I asked him to talk about me on his wall! Post pictures of us together, talk about the true love he has at home. But he hasn’t so this intuitive feeling was in me that he was still talking to her.
    I went to his computer and there on Skype was a conversation from very early that morning.. And very loving.. my knees went weak and I left.
    Today, I won’t talk to him, I am heart broken. The icing on the cake is that he blamed me, said that he never felt I was committed to him, I brought this on, it was my fault, I love drama. Not once did he say he was sorry for having an emotional affair or lying about it. I guess I wonder that if we did have a life together, would he always need outside emotional highs from women online?
    I’m now heart broken that my true love has posted “pure devotion” and “happy together hearts” on her page, she lives in Guatemala with her kids, how on earth is that a relationship that he thinks will work out? I truly HATE Facebook.

  17. Patricia

    I was a faithful wife and devoted mother until the internet entered our home. Married for many years, I innocently logged on one day to see what it was about, and to my surprise, got IM’d by a guy that was lonely and looking for someone to talk to. I always want to help people and thought I was so solid in my marriage that nothing could jeopardize it. I was wrong. I let him into my life and my thoughts and he started to take my time and attention away from my husband and children, and my job. It started out as playful banter and turned to more intimate details of our marriages. After much time and attempts to break it off with him, he managed to convince me to meet him. The end result, disaster and divorce after 23 years of marriage. Next chapter, husband #2 and Facebook. After five years of marriage, he started a facebook page to connect with out of town relatives. That’s not all he connected with. Co-workers and old girlfriends sent him friend requests and he started hiding this from me. When I found it out and asked him to delete it, he clung to his computer, and watched me walk out of his life. I am now divorced from husband #2 and heartbroken. All because of the not so innocent internet connections.

  18. Beth

    My heart is shattered …I was the first one to open a facebook account. I saw it at my kids school notice board and i thought to myself, what a good idea to connect with other parents for party invites and upcoming events. My husband was a bit on the edge, saying facebook will lead to something else. I set up my account with my kids pictures. I also found relatives that i havent seen for 7 years. So i was happy looking at pictures of my uncle, cousins and a few of my girls schoolmate back home. On other hand i could see the jealousy on my husbands face. His not jealous because of my family. He wants a facebook account. I remember him saying ” facebook is for people that got nothing better to do with their life”. So a week later i told him he could have an account but i made a point that i don’t want any female friends. Only a week into opening his account he got 46 friends. He is constantly checking his facebook on his phone. Checking for messages and comments. I found that his got female friends. I reminded him about the talk we had before. Guess what, he got so defensive and started shouting at me. Telling me that he is not a little boy to be told what he can and can’t do. He said if i want a puppy i better go to the pet shop and get one.He asked me why i was so bothered about him having female friends. “I told him a friendship witth a female friend can lead to other thing. Simple comments with each other. They get hooked and before they know it. They would have broken each others family.” All of his female friends are married. But looking at their pictures, they look like they are looking for something. Their profile picture says it all, low cut top and her breast is like popping out. My heart sank, we have been together for 7 years, married for 3 years and 3 kids. I proved a point to him that i don’t need facebook in my life. I permanently deleted my account a part of me feels empty. I havent seen my relatives for 7 years and now im gonna let go of them. While on my husband side, his friends were at his work place. I told him that i deleted my account. He chucked his phone on the floor and told me to delete his facebook account. I said to him, do it yourself. Then, he said do it or otherwise he will smash the phone and the laptop. I asked him is facebook more important than your family. He just ignored me and its obvious facebook is more important to him. Everytime we argue, he make me feel that its all my fault. So I went and deleted his account. Picked the kids from school and made dinner. He is not talking to me. Ignoring me in front of the kids and raising his voice when i asked him to help prepare the table. I wish i never opened facebook. I told my husband, i care for my family, i don’t want it to be ruined because of this facebook. For him it would be easy to start a new life with somebody. Me on the other had 3 kids, no job. My life revolves around my kids and husband. Is it wrong for me to want the same from him. My heart is breaking into pieces. I don’t know how long he will ignore me for. I just have to keep a brave face for my kids. My little boy don’t like to see me cry. I will keep you posted.

  19. papawowo

    i have only been married for 6 months and my wife has a adiction to facebook she has over 100 boyfreinds on it we fight constantly over it she refusese to delet it and lies about delting the men and becomes furious whe she is confronted iam just waiting for the inevadebale or i find myself woondering if i should wait for that train wreck my istinct tells me to jump off the tracks either way it is destroying or trust for each other and or marriage it is as simple as this if you play with fire usually you get burned

  20. tob

    My husband of over 20 years used Facebook to communicate with his girlfriend for 3 months without me knowing about it
    Now he says after I caught him he didn’t care about her like he thought he did
    My heart is shattered. I only pray we can get past this

  21. peter

    Well I have read these stories and I in the same boat as most of these guys. I have been married for 14 years and I will be divorced by the end of March 2011. My wife is addicted to facebook. many times I would have to pleed with her to shut the computer off and come to bed. She connected with an old flame of @0 years ago and has been cheating with him for the past 8 months. I never saw it coming and now I have give up half my assets, half my retirement and get this I have to move out and find a place to live. We have two children 12 and 10. my wife has put them through hell as well as me. I rely on God and trust that I will have a future that will be a happy one. I pray that God will dirrect my life for his purpose. Married people should not excape into Facebook to find fulfilmrent to thier problems. They should rely on each other and work together. It will get worse in the future. I no longer use face book and the end of 2010 will be the end of my Face book account. thank you Peter

  22. joanne robbins

    I too thought this would never happen to me. I was in a happy relationship for 8yrs and a few moths away from getting married. I friend request an old boyfriend – purely with the intention of having a look at his page and nothing more but before I knew it he started talking to me on chat – it got flirty quite quicker. Fastforward a few weeks and we were falling in love again. We began talking on phone, texting,msning. I saw him a few times – nothing happened more than kissing. I got married still as it was all planned and I saw no real future with my ex because he is stuck in his own situation with a woman he doesnt love but is with for various reasons. Anyway not long after the wedding out “affair” was discovered. Everythings a mess! I found out he was still having sex with the woman he lives with the whole time he was telling me I was the one, I was his soulmate and we were planning a future. I am so in love with him I will forgive him anything and before christmas he was texting saying how much he lvoed and missed me and I will never lose him but now I hadvent heard from him in 3 weeks an dI am heartbroken and falling about. My husband had made me delete him from facebook and msning so texting on phone was all we had. I dont understand why he has stoped texting and I dont know how to live without him. So now im trying to make a marriage work that was destroyed from the beginning whilst being madly in love with a man who has disappeared from my life as qucikly as he returned! I wish I had never added him as all it has doen is caused me untold hurt and pain and the same to my darling husband who deserved none of this!

  23. keith

    I have been married 20 years with my love of my life. my wife started using facebook about year ago and what i though was innocent in up with wife having affair. she was a christian lady and sunday school teacher, so i never would thought she would do this to me my son and really to Godbut she did. when i caught her only after 3 weeks after i anniversitrie, she told me what she had done, so i tried to get her to stay, but she told me and my son that she did not love him or me enough. so she said it was all about her now, so she kept the affair going with the man and this guy was married and a 15 year old son. but she did not seem to care. Her family and her quit talking to me and my son, they will only talk to me if i agree to give her everything she wants as for money! for my son they want him to say it is ok what she did wrong then they will have something do with him. My son is 19 years old and everyone thinks he schould get over it from her family, however we still love my wife and his mother but we both agree that she has hurt us and we are ashame. we have ask as well beg forto come home but she want. they just call us self rightous and now try to blame me for marriage breakup. i never hit my wife and i was faithful and maybe i was to good to her. She never wanted to work so i sacrfice my life and time with my family so she could stay home. only the day before i told her i could not work out of town anymore that i miss her and my son, however the next morning when i found out she left me my son and God sex and she says for love. what ever happen to woman who was suppose to be there for you through better or worst. it seem women today want just anything to make them happy for a moment they do not think about others. i am hurt and heartbroken she was the love of my life, her nickname i gave her was princess, because that was what she was to me. but now my son says that he is done with her, and i guest i am to. She dont seem to wants us.

  24. My heart is broken. I have been a loving devoted stay at home mom for 20 years. I believed he was my soul mate. We have 2 beaultiful boys. The are hurt by this as well. He went to a High School Reunion 3 years ago. In Serbia. Since then I have discovered they reconnected throught facebook. He said they only chatted for a long while. Now I know he has been having an affair with her ever since. He told me it was my imagination when I would ask where he was or what he was doing. He said I was parinoid and he would never do anything like that. I would ask him if he was happy in out marriage and he always said and did the right things. When I finally had concrete prove I confronted him. He still tried to make excuses. For 3 years he made me believe I was crazy. Just before I found out we went on a vacation together without our kids. He did everything right. We made love and planned our future, it was great. Now I know one week later he had bought a diamond ring for his girlfriend. Now I know he has taken all the equity out of our home and has taken out loans to pay for their new condo and expensive hotels and trips all over Canada and the USA. She is still married to her husband of 20 some years. How can they do that? What am I supposed to do now? He never wanted me to work outside the home. I was so stupid. What do I do now? He wants to wait for a divorce until our son is out on his own. In the mean time he has been spending money he hasn’t got. He makes a good income. I only want my half. But half of nothing is nothing. I am so scared and alone. I don’t know what to do.

  25. alan

    Me to my loving caring wife sue stockwell traced an old work mate through face book 6 months later she living with him we are fighting over our daughter shes lied to the family walked out on our daughter ruined our business i have become ill i was ill before going blind now this i thought our marriage was perfect 10/10 just stumbled on some used condoms and contocevptive pills and the rest is history never have face book in the house people it ruins lives

  26. Facebook hater

    I have been married for 13 years and have discovered that in the last 6 months he has been charting w 2 females from elementary school that he had absolutely no contact with for 20 years!!!! He never met these girls but there was flirtations and possible expectations. I am beyond devestated. He swears nothing would have happened but how do I know?????
    I found out about it by snooping in his email bc I didn’t feel something was right.
    I’m thinking of asking him to leave

  27. someone you know

    I too am in the midst of this horrible fiasco. My wife reconnected with a childhood sweetheart. They phoned, skyped, and facebooked over 18 months before I found hard evidence of the affair. By that time, they had met twice and made the affair sexual. She even talked to me on the phone while in the hotel room with him. My discovery is only 8 weeks old at this point. Last night I discovered she had not unfriended him on FB. She said she really didn’t see why she should. She explained that she needed to keep up with him and his kids in case something happened to them. FB didn’t cause our problems. Our marriage was rocky, but FB enabled her to look elsewhere. We are both in counseling and trying to make it work – but I just don’t know.

  28. Some Random Guy

    After several years of suspicions, I finally put the pieces together. In 2009, my wife had a FB “friend” that started as a friend, then romantic flirting, then a sex chat. She says it only happened once, and only by the FB “chat” function. After deceit for so long, I don’t believe her story, and would like proof. I’ve done a lot of research on the FB chat function, and the conversations store in the hard drive, at least for a little while. I downloaded software that searches for all chats, and could only find to a girlfriend from a couple of weeks ago.

    I envision that EVERY chat communication, ever held, anywhere, is stored on a HUGE server in Palo Alto or Timbuktu or somewhere. Maybe no, because of the huge amount of data that would be. This is such new territory that no one seems to really know for sure.

    QUESTION: Has anyone ever successfully retrieved old chat conversations from a giant FB server, somewhere? Thanks if you can help.

  29. Tim

    John – I posted a comment on your blog last week that never made it through moderation. It was a question to ask if anyone knew if Facebook chat histories were available as an archived document or file.

    Are you still accepting comments on this topic? Or, was my question unacceptable? Thanks,
    Tim

    • Sorry Tim, I thought I had approved it.

      I am not sure about your FB retrieval issue. Maybe someone else can help.

      • Paula

        As it is today all Facebook messages are accessible. When you look one up it will show the latest, but keep scrolling your browser up and up and you will see the history. If you think it is deleted, look on the bottom of the screen for an “archived” link. That will bring up messages that are deleted. I think FB makes it hard to DELETE permanently.

        My husband was able to “hide” some messages (non-affair; just buddy stuff he didn’t want me to read because its crude) under messages in the “other” section, so check there to.

  30. Tim

    OK, Thanks, John.

    QUESTION: My wife had a FB affair about a year and a half ago, all through the FB “chat” feature. Are these records/files stored on a server somewhere? Is there any way I can retrieve her activity fsrom so long ago? I know her ID# and his ID#.

    Thanks, if anyone can help.

  31. Tim

    OOPS! I double-posted, above. My previous comment got posted, too. Sorry.

  32. tracy

    hey tim if you log into your wifes account and go to the account section on the top left you will see a link to download facebook data ! this gives you most messages that have been sent and received !

  33. Dion Marks

    Hi All
    My heart goes out to all you special people that has been affected by this facebook phenomenon. I have also had an experience that almost had me losing my wife. I am starting a online support group so the people left behind that have been hurt can rebuild their lives and more important they can heal their hearts

  34. Clint

    My name is Clint. I am 14. 3 years ago my mom started her facebook. My mom would just randomly dissapear sometimes so we would call the police and the next day she would just show up hungover. About 3 months later she divorced my dad for my familys best freind. Like terry said, it is the hardest emotional thing there is in life. Now my mom has no job and relys on wellfare after her “boyfreind” left her. She didnt know what she had till it was gone because ne and my whole family have shunned her out. This may seem extreme but if you were me, u would too. I wish no one had to go through this. My grades which are straight A’s droped to D’s and F’s because of it: i cried so much during that time. My mom also started her affair on facebook

  35. Shari

    My 17 year marriage was wrecked by a woman who my husband knew from his hometown who “reconnected” with my husband via Facebook ; coincidentally right as her house was going i to forecloser. She is married and has been for 20 years. My husband has sent her money? Paid for her airfare and hotel stays. My husband tells me he does not wish to remain married to me but only volunteered this info after being caught red-handed cheating . The woman’s husband when I called him told me I was crazy . We have a 16 year old daughter . This has destroyed our lives!

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